Department of the Interior Approves Emotional Support Porcupines for All Federal Employees

In an unprecedented move, the Department of the Interior has sanctioned the use of emotional support porcupines for its employees. This initiative, aimed at boosting morale, was introduced last week.

Mr. Douglas Shue, Junior Desk Resources Manager, submitted the suggestion after his beloved pet, Prickles, accompanied him to work by accident.

"He just wandered out of my bag one morning," said Mr. Shue, caressing the prickliest fellow office worker you ever saw.

The animal perched on his desk became something of a mascot. "Everyone seemed happier.

Even Mr. Drummond from accounting cracked a smile," added Mr.

Shue.

The initial oversight quickly turned official when senior Associate of Workplace Comfort, Linda Park, filed Form CS-142B, which is typically reserved for plant policy exceptions. The paperwork prompted an unexpected landslide of goodwill toward non-traditional office companions.

The Situation Room, usually reserved for critical meetings, now houses a 15% increase in porcupines, leading to the designation of 'Prickle Zone A.5'. For porcupine novices, a special bulletin instructed employees on porcupine care, including "how to disarm a quill-bomb."

"It's a rewarding challenge," acknowledged Glenna Peterson, Deputy Assistant for Office Safety, who has since adjusted emergency protocols to include porcupine-specific instructions. This amendment features prominently on the new two-page memo, Memo SS-251, titled "Spiky Emergency Response." A minor revision added porcupine escape drills to the quarterly safety meetings.

In a further twist, the Tactile Creature Association, a newly formed branch of the Office of Internal Tranquility, organized training sessions to help employees bond with their porcupine partners. These sessions are covered under an unexpected yet modest allocation of $12,457 from the Employee Enrichment Fund, a line item previously used for coffee machine maintenance.

Now each desk hosts a porcupine-friendly station, complete with a tiny quill-resistant blanket. Despite minor prickly incidents reported by the Custodian Sanitation Team, led by Jamie Barnes and his remarkable 17-year tenure, the new format promises to "ramp up the joy factor," according to Mr.

Shue. His porcupine companion Prickles has officially been awarded "Honorable Mascot Status," duly noted in the office newsletter.

The Department's regional branches are expected to adopt this initiative by spring. Policy specialists have integrated porcupine care guidelines into onboarding material, promising a future filled with, quite literally, spiky workplace harmony.

Douglas Shue, meanwhile, contemplates training Prickles for the annual "Office Animal Awards," anticipating he will surpass last year's victor, a ferociously loved parakeet.

In light of this fuzzy legal loophole, porcupines are now the Department's most effective morale booster, with unexpected consequences on office dynamics. Employees have collectively decided to maintain the porcupine policy, affectionately dubbed "The Work-Porc-Up Program," permanently enshrining it in the annals of workplace culture.